


Homeworld Magazine Issue 1

by Moondragon8



Series: Homeworld Magazine [1]
Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: F/F, Homeworld Hierarchy (Steven Universe), Homeworld is Horrible, magazine
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-30
Updated: 2019-04-04
Packaged: 2019-12-26 23:27:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 958
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18292334
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Moondragon8/pseuds/Moondragon8
Summary: A completely normal and non rebellious magazine full of just regular Homeworld happenings and nothing odd at all. As long as you don't read the end notes.This issue features:What To Do If You See A DIAMOND! (page 5)The constitution of Homeworld (page 2)Which Kindergartens are the Best-a comprehensive list (page 6)Two whole pages of praising the Diamonds! (pages 3-4)long live the rebellion





	1. Editor's Note

Welcome, Pearls and Quartzes, to Homeworld Magazine! This is the first issue, and it's packed! We have the constitution of our wondrous planet, copied by a Prehnite, two pages of praise to the Diamonds, by Holly Blue Agate herself, What To Do If You See A Diamond, by a Jasper, a Ruby, and an Aquamarine (myself), and a comprehensive list of kindergartens on Earth, by a Peridot! It's amazing! This issue's cover features Cream Pearl, a beautiful and sweet Pearl. 

Signing off,

Aquamarine. 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i fused with cream pearl once. cream, if you're reading this, i love you.


	2. The Constitution Of Homeworld

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *not a real constitution, because this isn't a democracy, but whatever

  1. Obey the Diamonds. They are superior in every way and should not be doubted. 
  2. Pearls do not fight. It is not their purpose. 
  3. Diamonds cannot be shattered. Stop spreading that ridiculous rumor. 
  4. Never put a star on your form. If you see someone wearing the star, report them to your nearest Agate. 
  5. Cross-gem fusion is not only illegal, but dangerous. Attempt it at your own risk.
  6. Forehead gems must be treated with caution.
  7. We are not amending Article 3. 
  8. The Diamonds fear nothing. Not even powerful, Diamond-shattering rebels. The Crystal Gems have been defeated. Anyone who suggests otherwise will be shattered. 
  9. Violators of the rules will be shattered. 



**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _The rebellion does not shatter and never did. Who's cruel now?_


	3. The Diamonds Are Amazing!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> By Holly Blue Agate.

The Diamonds are amazing! They know everything and are beautiful, lustrous, and intelligent! Their choices are always correct! Yellow Diamond is beautiful and terrifying! Who doesn't tremble when she enters a room? And Blue Diamond's compassion, elegance, and composure are astounding. I get shivers just thinking about it! One time I actually saw them, saw them  _both,_ can you believe it? I practically fainted! I think they were very impressed.

Now, the best part of being an Agate is you get to talk with all sorts. The other day, I talked to a Sapphire! A Sapphire, can you believe it? I interviewed several other gems on their feelings about our lustrous, perfectly-cut Diamonds. Here are their responses. 

A Ruby: I work for Yellow Diamond! I know cause it's on my shirt. 

A Sapphire: I saw a Diamond. She was tall. Goodbye. 

An Amethyst: We work for Blue Diamond, and I've never seen her, but I bet she's awesome. Everyone says she is! That will be all! Haha oh man that Pearl got you so good!

A Bismuth: Wow, a Holly Blue Agate talking to me? This is awesome! Do you want a house built or something? Ohh, maybe one with little mini-houses for your Amethysts!

A Peridot: The Diamonds are awesome! Their logic is flawless! They blessed me with my limb enhancers! Although..I guess they also made me with a complete lack of power so I would be dependent on my limb enhancers..I may need to rethink my life choices.

As you can tell, the Diamonds are  _highly_ underappreciated. Those were some of the more  _sensible_ responses I got! 

What is Homeworld coming to? All hail the glorious, magnificent, splendid, majestic, flawless, all-knowing, luminous, merciful,  _perfect_ Diamonds-

Holly Blue Agate

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We didn't actually ask her to write this. She sent it to us and insisted we put it in. 
> 
> (non canon note: _god,_ that physically and mentally hurt to type. excuse me, I need to go read some french revolution memes before I give into the authoritarian propaganda.)


	4. What To Do If You See A Diamond

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> By Jasper Facet 7JX, Aquamarine Facet 3AQ, and Ruby Facet 4RJ.

Step 1: Make sure it is a Diamond. 

  1. Is it very tall? Y/N
  2. Does it sort of command your presence? Y/N
  3. Has everyone fallen silent? Y/N
  4. Is a Diamond's Pearl present? Y/N
  5. Is it moving? Y/N



If you said yes to all, it is a Diamond. If you said yes to all but 1, it's White Diamond's Pearl. If you said yes to all but 2, then it's still a Diamond. If you said yes to all but 3, it's a Diamond and everyone is being very disrespectful. If you said yes to all but 4, it's a very important and tall gem but probably not a Diamond. If you said yes to all but 5, I'm not entirely sure. Ask someone next to you. 

 

Step 2: What to actually do

(this assumes you are the only one there or one of a very few-if there are multiple gems aside from you, do whatever they're doing)

If you are around the rank of an Aquamarine or Sapphire, bow respectfully, say "My Diamond!" and start doing business. 

If you are a Quartz or Agate or Topaz or similarly ranked, salute, say "My Diamond!", and listen closely, nodding at everything she says. 

If you are a Ruby, scream, fall over, say "MY SPLENDIFEROUS DIAMOND OH MY STARS WOW OH MY STARS" and do everything she says. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pro tip-if you do the diamond salute constantly, no one suspects a thing, and you can basically do anything and look loyal to the diamonds. this can in no way go wrong. except that you can never use your hands again.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As an apology for forgetting to update yesterday, you get two chapters today!

*not actually comprehensive-only covers some of the most important. Prime and Beta are on Earth, Underground is on our own planet (it's underground), and Aquapolar and Reef are on Aquarius. 

 

**Prime Kindergarten: Three out of four Diamonds.**

This Kindergarten made Amethysts and Jaspers, as well as Carnelians and other forms of Quartz. It's nicknamed the "Warrior Kindergarten." It produced many defective gem, but made up for it with many good ones as well. 

**Beta Kindergarten: Three out of four Diamonds.**

This Kindergarten had mostly defective gems. However, it did produce the Ultimate Quartz, which sort of makes up for that. 

**Underground Kindergarten: Four out of four Diamonds.**

This Kindergarten was made for Rubies, Rutiles, and Pearls. It was later used to produce Peridots and Quartzes as well, and produced most of the soldiers in the War for Earth.

**Aquapolar Kindergarten: Three out of four Diamonds.**

This Kindergarten was made to produce Lapis Lazulis, Sapphires, and Aquamarines. It did it's job well and produced many fine gems. 

**Reef Kindergarten: Two out of four Diamonds.**

This underwater Kindergarten is where Pearls and Corals were made. It's a well-made Kindergarten, but it doesn't do a very important job. 

 

To recap, the Underground Kindergarten is the best, and the Reef the worst. Long live the Diamonds!

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have been told the Underground Kindergarten is a good hiding place. You know. If you need to hide. For reasons.


	6. Back page

Next time on Homeworld Magazine-Our "Gem On The Street" issue! We'll deliver fresh opinions on all topics, from Gems of all ranks, from Rubies to Aquamarines! Plus, a map of Homeworld! 

Praise the Diamonds!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (hidden in-between the diamond symbols that decorate much of the back page-)  
> be careful  
> stay safe  
> long live the rebellion


End file.
